All or Nothing

Do it (extremely) well or don’t do it at all. Reckless thinking, some would say.

In fact, I had lost count for the number of times I was told, “You can’t go on wanting all or nothing.” 

Taking this as sage advice, I fashioned my life to neatly fit in work, relationships, friendships, family time, etc. I barricaded each part of my life to prevent the overflow of emotions that drive me insane. Love and attachment were the most dangerous of emotions. So I insulated my heart in a thick cloud of logic to keep pain at bay. This must be how normal people live, I thought to myself…

Until one day, I couldn’t do it anymore. I longed to know and be myself again.

Being impartial had infiltrated my being with a sense of unwholesome ingenuity. I found myself struggling to live in the moment and being only half-there. 

I’m more sensitive than most others and I’m more aware of my emotions and thoughts. This sometimes sets me up for pain, disappointments, and heartaches that make me want to run away and hide from myself.

But I continue to dive in deeper and discover the most fascinating truths beneath our perceived reality. It brings out the best in me. It’s the flame that keeps me alive. How can I keep it from burning intensely? 

And let Khalil Gibran’s words guide the way – 

“The deeper that sorrow carves into your being, the more joy you can contain.
Is not the cup that hold your wine the very cup that was burned in the potter’s oven?”

Cheers,
-S

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