Siblings But Strangers – Part 3 – Sabrina Lakhani

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sabrina.attachment.specialist

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📰Newsflash: You (yes you!) absolutely deserve a

📰Newsflash: You (yes you!) absolutely deserve a partner who is committed to healing and growth.

In 2019, I decided this was true for myself. I decided that I cannot and would not accept a partner who was not committed to healing and growing with me.

💍I knew I wanted a marriage that looked very different than the marriages I had observed in childhood.

💭I knew in the deepest part of my being that it is possible to build a safe, secure, and thriving marriage if both partners created it with intentionality and authenticity.

I also knew this was not everyone’s thing, so of course my mind wondered how and when I would meet someone who wanted to work towards creating a marriage that was so different.

‼️What I didn’t know was this: there is no way to tell if my partner would walk this path with me or not until we hit a series of conflicts after the honeymoon stage.

⚠️That means I would have to start a relationship with the hope that when it came to that point, my partner would want to build a secure relationship with me.

❌It also meant that if my partner demonstrated a lack of commitment to this goal i.e. avoiding difficult discussions, refusing therapy, becoming defensive, giving up, then I would choose to end the relationship.

I was 100% clear on this. And I accepted that I might need to end several relationships until I found a partner who was willing and able to work on himself just likecontinuing to work on myself.

✨And now, after years of doing this process, I can confidently say it was 100% worth the wait and the struggle to get to where I am now: happily married, co-creating a conscious partnership with @reh_ukani ❤️

#attachmentstyles #anxiousattachment #attachmenttheory #attachment #fearfulavoidant #avoidantattachment #relationships #selflove #codependency #attachmenttrauma #relationshipgoals #healing #healthyrelationship #relationshipcoaching #relationshiphelp #dismissiveavoidant #codependent #traumahealing #traumarecovery #consciousrelationships #healthylove #healingwork #relationshiphealing #relationshipmatters #healingyourself #healingfromwithin #relationshipbuilding #couples #healthyrelationships #ismailiwedding

🙉 Have you ever had circular arguments where yo

🙉 Have you ever had circular arguments where you just want to yell: you're not hearing me!! I have had so many of those in the past, but thankfully things have changed now...

After going through my healing journey, I am able to quickly realize that the words I'm saying are not registering in the same way for the other person. 💥

🗽 This has granted me such a high level of freedom in so many ways:

1. I quit looking for support and validation from people who couldn't stay present with me. 👀
2. I stopped assuming that there was something wrong with me or that I was undeserving of someone listening and understanding. 👂
3. I realized that most people live on autopilot and are most often responding to stories in their own mind. When confronted with information that doesn't fit their narrative, they usually become defensive or go into self-explaining mode. ⚡

✈️ The greatest freedom is not getting wrapped up in all this anymore. There's less tension in my mind and body and I am much more at peace than I was before going through my healing journey.

Have you experienced something similar? Have thoughts or questions on how this happens? Put it in the comments below 👇

#healingjourney #freedom #approvalseeking #childhoodtrauma #cyclebreaker #breakthecycle #insecureattachment #attached #secureattachment #earnedsecure #patternstopresence #seekingvalidation #unhealthypatterns #consciousconversations #consciousparenting #reparentingyourself #selfvalidation #selfcare #anxietyhealer #somatictraumaresponse #overexplaining #anxiouswomen #perfectionist #ismaili #desifamilies #southasianfamilies #browntrauma

So what did we do differently? Early on, we agre

So what did we do differently?

Early on, we agreed that the wedding planning process is all about creating more moments of seeing and hearing each other, and authentically connecting with each other. Because these moments determine our future and they matter much more than the wedding itself, which only lasts a day.

❗We agreed to SLOW everything down when it felt overwhelming and we experienced conflict after conflict. We even considered postponing the wedding, which is totally okay as well. There's no judgment for any of this.

🙏 I am so grateful to have a second chance at planning a wedding. I am so much more secure, confident, and unapologetic about what I want. My old self is feeling so seen and loved by my current self. 💕

The type of bond we create before the wedding determines the type of marriage we can expect. This sounds like common sense, but it's not something I knew 10 years ago! I used to believe that we just have to get through this terrible part of life without causing too much damage. 💔

💥 I didn't think that the conflict during wedding planning could be used to strengthen the relationship until way after I got divorced and went through my healing journey. And now I know it's possible because this is my reality.

Some TIPS ---> We use these phrases a lot:
How does that feel for you?
Can we talk about this?
Thank you for sharing that with me.
You’re not wrong.
I get it. That makes sense.
I’m here with you.
I’m so sorry.
I’m going to work on this.
We’re so lucky.
I'm so grateful to be with you.
I love how dedicated you are to your own growth.

I hope this is helpful for you! Leave me a comment if you have thoughts 👇 #weddingplanning #wedding #commonsense #weddinginspiration #weddingseason #love #brideandgroom #weddingofmydreams #consciouspartnership #divorcedandhappy #secondchance #brides2023 #weddings2023 #sograteful #ismailiwedding #intentionalliving #presence #lovelife #createthelife #itspossible #southasianwedding #desiwedding #indianwedding #pakistaniwedding #browngirltherapy #patternstopresence

💥 I FINALLY got the courage to look through the

💥 I FINALLY got the courage to look through the old love letters I had written and...

🔎 I can CLEARLY see the insecure anxious attachment patterns!

I can see and hear the insecure me desperately reaching out for connection while believing that she was bad for hurting people she loved.

I used to think I was a burden, that my emotions were a severe liability, and that there was something very wrong with me. 🙈

💕 I wish I could go back and scoop that little me up, hold her close, and let her cry in my arms.

🔆 After reading these love letters I had written to an ex, I wrote a love letter to my younger self:

Dear Little Sab,

There is nothing wrong with you. You and your emotions are not a burden. You feel deeply and I love that about you.

I know you don't intend to hurt others and feel hurt when that happens. You are not 'bad" when this happens and nor do you deserve to be alone because of this. It is all part of a normal life!

Hurt feelings create opportunities for repair and a deeper connection when both people know how to manage these situations.

One day, you'll know how to do this and help others do the same! I know you will find your way. Keep going, I'm cheering you on.

Love,
Your Highest Self

Curious about decoding your writing? Check out the link in my bio and learn about Patterns to Presence!

#loveletters #patterns #oldlove #hurtingpeople #innerchild #consciousparenting #consciousrelationships #consciouspartnership #joyfulliving #traumarecovery #anxietyhealing #innerchildwork #reparenting #secureattachment #insecureattachment #ismaili #patternstopresence #southasianfamilies #healthyboundaries #innerwork #cyclebreakers #breakthecycle #changethepattern #createbeauty #healingwork #southasiantherapists #browngirltrauma

Learnings from my therapy session today. It’s

Learnings from my therapy session today.

It’s part of my commitment to self-knowledge, inner work, and an intentional life.

Some reflection questions for areas you don’t like looking at in your life:

1. What does this show or tell me about myself?
2. What do I not like about this?
3. What does it remind me of?
4. How does it feel in my body?
5. What is there to learn here?

Do you have a practice of looking at things or situations you would rather avoid? Tell me in the comments 👇🏼

#approvalseeking #childhoodtrauma #cyclebreaker #breakthecycle #insecureattachment #attached #secureattachment #earnedsecure #patternstopresence #seekingvalidation #unhealthypatterns #consciousconversations #consciousparenting #reparentingyourself #selfvalidation #selfcare #anxietyhealer #somatictraumaresponse #overexplaining #anxiouswomen #perfectionist

We don't know everything there is to know about th

We don't know everything there is to know about the mind and how it really works and maybe that's why there isn't sufficient scientific evidence to show that vision boards are beneficial.

My personal experience with vision boards has been really positive and that's why I'm sharing this.

Here are a few reasons why I think vision boards are useful:

🔎 Clarity: Vision boards can help you clarify your goals and desires by creating a visual representation of what you want to achieve.

⚙️ Motivation: By looking at your vision board, you feel more motivated to take action.

👀 Visualization: They help you visualize and feel what you're trying to achieve.

🎨 Creativity: The process of creating a vision board is a creative and fun way to explore and express your aspirations and desires.

🌟 Accountability: By creating a visual representation of your goals and desires, you are more likely to hold yourself accountable for taking action and making progress toward achieving them.

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