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sabrina.attachment.specialist

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Being ‘coachable’ doesn’t mean bei

👉🏼Being ‘coachable’ doesn’t mean being open to just anyone’s input.

It means being selective about who you allow to shape your thinking and growth.

Some feedback is valuable, and some can be an attempt to impose control under the guise of guidance.

When someone says “you’re not coachable,” they might really mean “you’re not easily controllable or compliant with my expectations.”

In reality, true coachability is about openness to learning, growth, and feedback…AND that doesn’t mean blind obedience or unquestioning acceptance of authority.

People who are independent thinkers, question assumptions, or push back against ineffective guidance can sometimes be labeled as “uncoachable” when, in fact, they may just be unwilling to conform to a system that doesn’t respect their autonomy or align with their values.

💡Useful Questions:

1. Is this feedback actually about my ability to learn and grow? Or is it about someone wanting me to fit into a mold that serves THEIR needs more than mine?

2. Did I ask to be coached by this person in this area? If not, is this person assuming authority over my growth without my consent?

3. Do I want to be coached by this person in this area? Do they have the experience, wisdom, or perspective I respect? Have they done what I want to do?

Remember: just because someone is older or more experienced doesn’t automatically make them a good coach.

The best coaches will frequently remind you that the answers are within YOU, and that while they can provide their point of view, there is no substitute for the answers that come from WITHIN. ✨

#coaching #becoachable #securelyattached #selfknowledge #attachmentstyles #trustyourself #intuition tion

We’re all a set of patterns. Sorry, we’re not

We’re all a set of patterns. Sorry, we’re not as unique as you might have thought! 😆

But what this means is that we can predict, with a very high level of accuracy, how we will show up when there’s conflict with an intimate partner. 📈

For math geeks (like me), this is simply a matter of figuring out where X will cross Y. 👩🏻‍💻

Once you have a good understanding of attachment science AND your own patterns, you can fairly easily predict topics or situations that will cause conflict. This is like having a cheat sheet for marriage. ✨

Or you can do this the old fashioned way (like I did in my first marriage!) where you get married and then several years later realize that you’re usually fighting about the same few things again and again. And boy was that exhausting. The worst part was not knowing how to change any of it and gradually watching it get worse.

Personally, I prefer the modern way where you use science to your advantage and start working towards creating a secure marriage.

💪🏼 Let me tell you - it is the probably the single greatest advantage you can have in today’s world. It’s the best way to weather all the storms life will send your way.

Full disclosure: it takes a A LOT of hard work from BOTH partners.

🌈 But there’s light at the end of the tunnel and there are for-sure ways to know you’re getting better at actually resolving the conflict (instead of just giving in to your partner’s demands).

👉🏼If you’re ready to take the first step in holistically examining you, your patterns, and your life, join us for the Patterns to Presence Group Program starting on March 23.

#securelyattached #attachmenttrauma #consciousrelationships #divorcedandhappy #patternstopresence #attachmentstyles #selfknowledge

Here are some key reasons why most South Asians st

Here are some key reasons why most South Asians start off with an insecure attachment:

➡️Intergenerational Trauma - Colonialism, partition, and displacement create unresolved trauma passed down through generations.

➡️Collectivist Culture - Obedience and family reputation matter more than individual emotional needs.

➡️Enmeshment - Blurred boundaries make children feel responsible for their parents’ emotions.

➡️Rigid Gender Roles & Favoritism - Sons get more freedom; daughters face stricter control and expectations.

➡️Emotional Repression - Vulnerability is discouraged, and mental health is stigmatized.

➡️Arranged Marriages - Emotionally distant parenting results from duty-based marriages.

➡️High Expectations - Love and approval often feel conditional on achievements.

➡️High Marital Conflict is the norm and it is normal for people to “stick it out” even when the marriage isn’t working.

AND here are some key reasons why South Asians are exceptionally primed and ready to heal the trauma and insecure attachment:

➡️Deeply Rooted Community Support - Strong family and social networks can provide a foundation for healing when boundaries are set.

➡️Resilience & Adaptability - Generations have survived war, migration, and hardship, proving a capacity for transformation.

➡️Spiritual & Philosophical Wisdom - Cultural traditions like meditation, Sufi poetry, and yoga emphasize self-awareness, inner healing, and emotional balance.

➡️Intergenerational Healing - Many are already questioning and redefining generational patterns, creating space for new models of attachment.

➡️Collectivist Strengths - When healthy, collectivism fosters secure attachment through deep belonging and mutual care.

➡️Growing Mental Health Awareness - Younger generations are breaking the silence around therapy, trauma, and emotional well-being.

➡️Storytelling & Reflection - Oral traditions, poetry, and philosophy encourage self-inquiry and meaning-making, key tools for healing.

Healing is possible. For YOU and your family. My relationship with my family has changed as a result of my own healing. ✨

Let’s do this 💪🏼

#securelyattached #desifamilies #browngirltherapy

I want to acknowledge the immense privileg

👉🏼I want to acknowledge the immense privilege of having 2 parents who did these things:

1. Loved me in every possible way that they knew how
2. Created enough safety in our relationship that it was relatively easy for me to say: I don’t feel loved. (Or when I was really angry, I would shout: you don’t really love me!)

Most of all, my parents absolutely cared that I wasn’t feeling loved.

Reflecting on how much it irked them to hear that sentence from me tells me just how important it was for them to make sure I always knew how deeply loved I am.

⚠️ But remember, as a child, we don’t have the full capacity to think rationally. But we do have bodies telling us how we feel…

I created this video to help other parents whose children say these words.

👧🏻If your child could explain further, they would say: please take an interest in why I’m feeling this way, please show me you can be with me when I’m feeling this way, and that it’s ok to feel this way. Pleas don’t try to push my feelings away or try to change them. If you do that, I will grow up rejecting my feelings and myself when I feel this way.

Instead of assuming they don’t see how much you’re doing for them, just pause and become curious about the feeling. It’s a feeling, it can and will pass if you allow it to have space in your body, dialogue, and home. ✨

It’s so much easier to do this once you’ve healed your own attachment trauma. If you don’t heal it, your inner critic will control these conversations and make you believe your children are ungrateful, spoiled, and entitled. ⚡️

Most parents do the best they can and since no par

Most parents do the best they can and since no parents are perfect, it makes sense why some of your needs weren’t met adequately.

Most of our parents also experienced emotional abandonment in childhood and didn’t have the tools or knowledge to heal.

And so naturally, that pattern was passed down. But you can heal it.

Change starts with you.

If you’re looking for a proven path to heal from this, check out www.PatternstoPresence.com

#securelyattached #attachmentstyles #attachmenttrauma #patternstopresence #secureattachment #consciousrelationships

We’re hardwired for survival and that means we’re hardwired with negativity bias.

It helps us avoid pain and ensures our survival. However, it can also get in the way of creating a fulfilling life.

#securelyattached #attachmentstyles #attachmenttrauma #patternstopresence #consciousrelationships #selfknowledge #argumentative #healingjourney