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sabrina.attachment.specialist

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The irony of having hard-working, ambitious parent

The irony of having hard-working, ambitious parents is that they’re almost always unconsciously seeking the love, attention, validation, admiration that they didn’t receive in childhood.

In seeking to be “better everyday,” they unknowingly pass on their anxiety to their children.

It’s so hard to let go of that anxiety, because it feels safe. It feels safe because it’s familiar, not because it’s healthy.

So what can you do? Heal your attachment wounds and regulate nervous system.

#attachmentwounds #healyournervoussystem #securelyattached #anxietyhelp #patternstopresence

We live in a world of opposites for a reason. On

We live in a world of opposites for a reason.

One reason for that is to know if you’re doing something that matches the same patterns you’re been living out for a long time.

Now imagine how you could show up at the exact opposite of that. If that feels hard, unrealistic, selfish, and just “bad”, all those are more reasons for you to try it out.

If you always prioritize everyone else’s needs, wants, desires, it’s time to tell them: hey I’m trying something out - I’m going to be selfish for the next 2 weeks.

It’s ok if they don’t understand.

The point is to create space for yourself to try out a radically different version of yourself.

Stop chasing the “good feelings” you get when you solve someone else’s problem or when you help them thru something.

Start generating the good feelings by putting yourself first, meeting your needs first, and always being available for your inner child.

This will change your life.

#stopchasing #prioritizeyourself #whataboutme #securelyattached #insecureattachment #patterntopresence #peoplepleaser

If you don’t make space for your anger, it will

If you don’t make space for your anger, it will come out in unhealthy ways.

When you get dangerously angry, ask yourself, how old do I feel right now?

This might tell you how long it’s been there…

And when we can’t make space for our own anger, we can’t create a safe space for our partner’s or child’s anger, and so we miss the chance to heal this in our families. #intergenerationaltrauma

Anger is not bad. There are healthy and unhealthy ways to manage it. Most of us learned only the unhealthy ways, which is why it feels uncontrollable, and then we feel shame afterwards.

#securelyattached #attachmentstyles #attachmenttrauma #patternstopresence #consciousrelationships #secureattachment #angermanagement

Out on my daily walk with Mila… 🐶🐾 Secure

Out on my daily walk with Mila… 🐶🐾

Secure marriages grant us more opportunities for growth because we aren’t led by our own fears/insecurities and we’re also not trying to manage a partner’s insecurities which can be so exhausting.

A few months ago, I got back in touch with an ex-partner and had a long call to catch up. Instantly, my husband said: is he in town? Tell him to come over!

I replied with: he’s not in town, but I did tell him to visit us when he can!

This is only possible because we’ve built a secure marriage.

We bring our whole selves into the marriage and into the home we share.

I can’t speak for my husband, but what I’ll say for myself is this -

Every time I’ve met someone from his past, I’m always so excited to ask them questions about how he was back then. It’s so fun learning about the things they’ve observed in him and watching them reflect on the experiences they share.

I carry so much gratitude in my heart for these relationships that have nurtured him in so many ways that I’ll never know about.

And every time, I return home with more and more love in my heart for him.

#securelyattached #attachmenttrauma #attachmentstyles #patternstopresence #consciousrelationships #secureattachment #selfknowledge

When I was younger, I had a fear of being “repla

When I was younger, I had a fear of being “replaced” - by my employer, friends, and partner.

And now, that thought doesn’t make my body tense at all. In fact, there’s spaciousness because of it.

I’m glad I am “replaceable” because it’s exactly this quality that creates the sense of freedom that comes with secure attachment.

And again, “replaceable” isn’t the right word, but the way I’m thinking about it is…

If we lived in a world of securely attached people who intentionally create a life that meets their own needs, wouldn’t it make sense to ensure everyone has the freedom to choose how to meet those needs?

Wouldn’t it make sense for people to change their minds and relationships as their needs change?

I don’t take the word “replaceable” personally anymore. I know that I, Sabrina, am not entirely replaceable, but the role/function I play in someone’s life can be taken up by another person and that’s entirely ok.

In fact, it’s acceptable and predictable!

TLDR: Securely attached people know that they’re never stuck even if they feel stuck, and that they always have a choice even if it doesn’t seem like it at first.

#securelyattached #attachmentstyles #patternstopresence #attachmenttrauma #consciousrelationships #secureattachment #selfknowledge #healingjourney

In 2014, I was studying for the GMAT exam with my

In 2014, I was studying for the GMAT exam with my heart set on one school: @insead

When I shared this dream with my parents, their response shattered me:
“It’s too late. You’re married now. You need to stay local, in Chicago.”

When I told my mentors, they asked:
“Where is INSEAD? Why not just aim for an Ivy League?”

So, reluctantly, I poured my heart into Chicago-based MBA programs for two years and got rejected from all of them.

But rejection turned out to be grace in disguise.

The month after my divorce, I found the courage and the audacity to apply to INSEAD for Round 4, the most competitive deadline.

And I got in. 🥳🙌🏼👩🏻‍🎓

Even after graduation in 2017, people would ask, “Why do an MBA if you already studied business in undergrad? Did you even learn anything new?”

I used to dodge those questions, because maybe they were right: the textbooks weren’t new.

But what they didn’t know was what I really gained:

A second family.
A global tribe.
A lifelong sense of belonging - wherever I go in the world. 🌎

Last night, I hosted the INSEAD alumni group for a special Attachment Styles workshop & dinner.

Some of them have witnessed my journey since 2018 and remembered that I gave a TEDx talk on Attachment Styles in 2019!

Grateful beyond words for their support as I step into this next chapter of life.

I’m ready to fly 🦋

Let this story be a reminder: Your heart knows what it wants.

Sometimes, the timing isn’t right.
Sometimes, the path includes pain, rejection, and even failure.

But often, those moments aren’t the end, they’re the passage. The necessary crossing.
The bridge to the life that’s truly meant for you.

#inseadalumni #inseadgrad #insead2017d #patternstopresence #globalcitizens #attachmentstyles #livingthedream #myfairytalelife

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