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Author: Vikas

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sabrina.attachment.specialist

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More thoughts on this… Consider this: Perhaps

More thoughts on this…

Consider this:

Perhaps YOU don’t know what is right for this person. ✨

Perhaps you pushing to help them could make things worse?

Trust that they are being guided by their own inner intelligence - a force that is far greater than the knowledge or wisdom you might be able to share with them.

Trust that if they need help, they’ll ask for it. ⭐️

See if this helps you feel less tense in your body…

#securelyattached #sitwithit #healyourself #innerpeace #innerguidance #trusttheprocess #saviorcomplex #selfobservation #anxietyrelief

Realizing that my self-worth is a mirror reflectio

Realizing that my self-worth is a mirror reflection of how much my parents loved themselves when I was a kid made me ask this:

🤓 If they really loved themselves, what would they have done differently?

Whoa. Their lives would have looked totally different!

And then I asked myself:

🤓 If I really love myself, what would I be doing differently?

Here’s what I came up with for now:

- Saying no to social events that don’t feel good
- Allowing myself to take longer naps when needed
- Sharing even my small fears with my partner
- Taking time to visualize what I want to create
- Taking Sufi singing classes

If you’re a parent, imagine your child saying: my mom and dad really loved themselves and here’s how I know…

What would you want them to say?

Remember that you can tell a child that you love them and they’re worthy of love, but your actions speak louder than your words ever will.

Your actions of self-love teach them how to love themselves. And conversely, your lack of actions in this area will teach them to question their worth, and they will struggle with self-love and self-compassion.

How you are with yourself is how your child will be with themselves long after you’re gone.

Leading by example is the best legacy you can leave behind.

They will embody that and teach it to their children who will teach it to their children.

And this is why the greatest way you can change the world is by changing how you relate to yourself. 🌎

#secureattachment #attachmentstyles #consciousparenting #selflove #selfcompassion #intergenerationaltrauma #selfworth #changethepattern #changetheworld

I knew that my self-esteem was built on productivi

I knew that my self-esteem was built on productivity, achievement, and staying busy.

I knew it would be hard to put on the breaks, and I secretly wished I never needed to.

Staying busy is the way my family has survived traumatic situations and all life changes. I’ve never observed any of them staying still or doing nothing because that would be the “work of the devil”.

But what if they never felt it was safe to do nothing? Maybe they were also scared of someone thinking they are lazy.

The first few weeks were so hard - the negative self-talk came racing back: how can you let yourself be SO lazy. All you do is sleep, eat, shower, nap, and repeat. What did you even do today?

And then a little voice emerged: I survived. I made it thru another day. I loved myself. And that is enough. I am enough.

I don’t know who needs to hear this today: do nothing. And if you can’t do nothing, then do less. A little less everyday, and eventually, you’ll arrive at a day where you can do nothing.

So very important for outgrowing our deeply rooted conditioning of always doing rather than being.

#selfreflection #slowingdown #beingoverdoing #selfknowledge #productivityhacks #donothing #immigrantstories #securelyattached #attachmentstyles #anxiousattachment #avoidantattachment #miscarriage

This is something I still mess up from time to tim

This is something I still mess up from time to time.

Someone close to me expresses frustration and I respond with logic. 😖

Later, it dawns on me that I totally missed the emotion that was being expressed. Oops. 🙊

I remind myself that most people can “see” just fine once their emotions have been validated.

And that doing this requires me to be emotionally regulated.

So I check in with myself, and see what’s coming up for me.

Usually, it’s “oh here we go again or this is too much and I can’t deal with this right now.”

It usually happens when I haven’t taken out time for myself and I’m running on empty. 💔

Once I fill my own cup, I’m able to come back to them and say, “Hey… I’m sorry I reacted the way I did. What you’re feeling makes sense. Thank you for sharing that with me.”

>> Oh and by the way, if you think you’re “spoiling” people by allowing them to air their small frustrations, and that you’ll just encourage more of this behavior (that irritates you), you probably need some deeper emotional healing. Please prioritize this for yourself.

#consciousrelationships #consciouspartnership #secureattachment #selfawareness #selfcare #practicepracticepractice #attachmentstyles #selfreflection #growth #transformation #lifegoals

When you’re in a good, healthy relationship, the

When you’re in a good, healthy relationship, the work isn’t done. It just becomes more nuanced.

The patterns are still there, and they require us to become aware of them, and work through them with kindness and compassion. ❤️

If you have children, please don’t tell them to stop crying. Crying is a built-in mechanism to relieve stress. Crying is healthy. It’s not a sign of your failure as a parent. And it’s not a sign of your child manipulating you. Children are innocent. Crying means they need your support.

#togrowth #consciousrelationships #consciouspartnership #happilymarried #attachmentstyles #attachmenttrauma #cryingisokay #relationshipgoals #innerchildhealing

I used to go to my maternal grandmother for marita

I used to go to my maternal grandmother for marital advice when I got married the first time 🤦🏻‍♀️

Don’t worry, that was short-lived.

Watching Pakistani and Indian serial dramas makes you an expert on dramatic relationships, not sustainable ones.

Unfortunately, “elders” are often seen as therapists/advisors in our families and the South Asian culture.

This might have worked way back when we didn’t have so much research at our finger tips…

And thank goodness we have that now because that’s how I learned how to be in relationship with myself and my partner.

We agreed very early on that when we have issues, we would never turn to our families.

Instead, we agreed to lean on our therapists and a handful of friends who are also walking the path of conscious living.

This was a critical agreement for us that supported the success of our relationship and marriage.

If you’re still sharing everything about your intimate relationship with your parents/family, consider all the negative ways it might be impacting you and your partner.

It might feel good when you’re angry at each other, but it will definitely hinder your relationship’s long term progress.

Similarly, if you’re going to your parents for advice on how to raise your kids or deal with them, you’re compromising the quality of your relationship with them.

#consciousrelationships #secureattachment #desifamilies #relationshipadvice #intentionalliving #consciouspartnership

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