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Author: Vikas

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sabrina.attachment.specialist

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I knew that my self-esteem was built on productivi

I knew that my self-esteem was built on productivity, achievement, and staying busy.

I knew it would be hard to put on the breaks, and I secretly wished I never needed to.

Staying busy is the way my family has survived traumatic situations and all life changes. I’ve never observed any of them staying still or doing nothing because that would be the “work of the devil”.

But what if they never felt it was safe to do nothing? Maybe they were also scared of someone thinking they are lazy.

The first few weeks were so hard - the negative self-talk came racing back: how can you let yourself be SO lazy. All you do is sleep, eat, shower, nap, and repeat. What did you even do today?

And then a little voice emerged: I survived. I made it thru another day. I loved myself. And that is enough. I am enough.

I don’t know who needs to hear this today: do nothing. And if you can’t do nothing, then do less. A little less everyday, and eventually, you’ll arrive at a day where you can do nothing.

So very important for outgrowing our deeply rooted conditioning of always doing rather than being.

#selfreflection #slowingdown #beingoverdoing #selfknowledge #productivityhacks #donothing #immigrantstories #securelyattached #attachmentstyles #anxiousattachment #avoidantattachment #miscarriage

This is something I still mess up from time to tim

This is something I still mess up from time to time.

Someone close to me expresses frustration and I respond with logic. 😖

Later, it dawns on me that I totally missed the emotion that was being expressed. Oops. 🙊

I remind myself that most people can “see” just fine once their emotions have been validated.

And that doing this requires me to be emotionally regulated.

So I check in with myself, and see what’s coming up for me.

Usually, it’s “oh here we go again or this is too much and I can’t deal with this right now.”

It usually happens when I haven’t taken out time for myself and I’m running on empty. 💔

Once I fill my own cup, I’m able to come back to them and say, “Hey… I’m sorry I reacted the way I did. What you’re feeling makes sense. Thank you for sharing that with me.”

>> Oh and by the way, if you think you’re “spoiling” people by allowing them to air their small frustrations, and that you’ll just encourage more of this behavior (that irritates you), you probably need some deeper emotional healing. Please prioritize this for yourself.

#consciousrelationships #consciouspartnership #secureattachment #selfawareness #selfcare #practicepracticepractice #attachmentstyles #selfreflection #growth #transformation #lifegoals

When you’re in a good, healthy relationship, the

When you’re in a good, healthy relationship, the work isn’t done. It just becomes more nuanced.

The patterns are still there, and they require us to become aware of them, and work through them with kindness and compassion. ❤️

If you have children, please don’t tell them to stop crying. Crying is a built-in mechanism to relieve stress. Crying is healthy. It’s not a sign of your failure as a parent. And it’s not a sign of your child manipulating you. Children are innocent. Crying means they need your support.

#togrowth #consciousrelationships #consciouspartnership #happilymarried #attachmentstyles #attachmenttrauma #cryingisokay #relationshipgoals #innerchildhealing

I used to go to my maternal grandmother for marita

I used to go to my maternal grandmother for marital advice when I got married the first time 🤦🏻‍♀️

Don’t worry, that was short-lived.

Watching Pakistani and Indian serial dramas makes you an expert on dramatic relationships, not sustainable ones.

Unfortunately, “elders” are often seen as therapists/advisors in our families and the South Asian culture.

This might have worked way back when we didn’t have so much research at our finger tips…

And thank goodness we have that now because that’s how I learned how to be in relationship with myself and my partner.

We agreed very early on that when we have issues, we would never turn to our families.

Instead, we agreed to lean on our therapists and a handful of friends who are also walking the path of conscious living.

This was a critical agreement for us that supported the success of our relationship and marriage.

If you’re still sharing everything about your intimate relationship with your parents/family, consider all the negative ways it might be impacting you and your partner.

It might feel good when you’re angry at each other, but it will definitely hinder your relationship’s long term progress.

Similarly, if you’re going to your parents for advice on how to raise your kids or deal with them, you’re compromising the quality of your relationship with them.

#consciousrelationships #secureattachment #desifamilies #relationshipadvice #intentionalliving #consciouspartnership

Given the families and culture we come from, it’

Given the families and culture we come from, it’s rare to see a healthy, stable, and honest marriage where both partners are committed to their own healing, growth, and transformation.

I knew that creating this kind of marriage would take so much time and work. I wanted to build something we had never seen. And I was driven by desire to see the potential it could unlock in me and my partner.

Today, we celebrated our 1st Anniversary by revisiting our vows and reflecting on this past year.

As I was reading my vows aloud, I teared up at this part:

👉🏼 May we be willing to get hurt again and again as we cleanse ourselves of old emotions from the past.

👉🏼 May we hear and understand ourselves and each other better with each passing year.

👆🏼Such wise words. And I can’t tell you how good it feels to know that we’ve lived up to them.

We don’t care to celebrate our birthdays because it feels like before you know it, you’re another year older. We don’t really put in effort to become a year older; it just happens. So then what is there to celebrate?

But for our anniversaries, we agreed to celebrate each one meaningfully by writing each other a letter, going for dinner, and reflecting on our vows. It feels good to celebrate our anniversary because we put in so much work to build something we’re both very proud of.

So grateful for co-creating this life with @reh_ukani 🙏🏼❤️

Setting boundaries while grieving is hard because

Setting boundaries while grieving is hard because you might be thinking…

- But they’re trying to help! How can I say no?
- I don’t want to hurt them.
- Is it wrong for me to say no?
- I don’t want to create conflict.
- What if I feel all alone then?
- Will I regret this?

Grief makes us emotionally vulnerable, and cultural and family expectations can pressure us to accept help.

Understanding these challenges can help you set clear boundaries while staying true to the path of authenticity.

This is hard work, but it’s worth it.

#familydynamics #boundaries #attachmentstyles #innerchildhealing #loveyourself #sayingnoisokay #yourneedsmatter #yourhealingjourney

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